The Men In My Life

Men figure pretty predominantly in my life, the thing is, well most of the men in my life are gay. Ten years ago, if someone would have told me that gay men were going to have such a place in my heart I would have told them that they were insane, but you know what..they would have been right. Then again, ten years ago a perfect stranger led some insight into my life & at least for awhile she was right.

You see, I have two very special gay men in my life. I love them to death & I know that they love me. Rafe is one of my oldest and dearest friends. As a matter of fact we have known each other for ten years now, & there is only one other person in my life that I have known that long that I still talk to (sort of). Rafe is my knight in shining armour, he came in on his white horse & saved me from Tim, who well he thought he was going to be the next Pope & apparently I was so horrible I was going to be his first human sacrifice. Yeah this sounds like a guy the Catholic Church needs as their spokesperson. Anyway, Rafe came in & told him to leave me alone. Boy was I ever greatful. Though I was greatful I was not exactly happy. I was, well the best way to put it is I was a nasty person in high school. I pretty much didn't want to be bothered & as a result, built up some pretty impressivly thick walls. Well, Rafe saw right through that & for 10 years he has been chipping away at those walls & I love him for it.

He is one of the few people who will save me from my own worst enemy..myself. His genuine smile, crazy laugh & ability to read my mind have bonded us for what seems like a lifetime. I am comfortable enough around him to just invite myself over, crawl into his bed & have him hold me while I cry, laugh or simply spill my guts. Falling asleep with someone is a very intimate thing, and he is only one of three men that I have been able to do that with. He makes me laugh, challenges me, forces me to face the truth, and is there when I realize that the truth just plain SUCKS!! I really love Rafe. We have been through hard times & joyous times together, yet we still manage to call each other & get through. We have both watched each other spiral in one way or another & have risked losing our frienship just to pull out the friend card & save each other. He's almost like my safety net. Thanks to Rafe I have learned that showing my fun side and not giving a crap about what others think is really what makes life worth living. He's also taught me to go after what I want & what I deserve.

Niko is the other gay man in my life. Yeah that is one relationship that I didn't see coming, but the fates worked their magic. Through hard work, luck, and fates, I ended up taking a trip to Greece. Niko was in my class & we were going on the trip together. The funny thing is, we really didn't even talk until we were in the airport, waiting to board our plane. One plane ride can really change your life..did you know that. Well, that began a trip in which, for the most part, we were joined at the hip. We always sat together on the bus, shopped together, laughed together, and most importantly he shared with me & I with him. Greece in Niko's native land, and he wanted to show me everything he could. We spent hours in stores shopping for the perfect items, for ourselves..yet it was Niko who picked out the bracelet I bought & I picked out the book he bought. We had known in eachother for such a short amount of time, but managed to get it right. Niko is sooo funny, yet he is very insightful. He really pays attention, even when you think that what you say is meaningless. During what seemed liked a meaningless conversation on a bus ride I mentioned that I loved The Emperor's New Groove, and poof for my birthday be managed to track it down.

Niko is responsible for bestowing my nickname upon me. While in Greece I had some hair issues and at times it looked like the Olympic tourch..so he named me The Flame. Over the past year I became Lady Flame & on my 25th birthday I became Goddess Lady Flame or The Goddess for short. See that has given me a complex & I now expect to be treated like a Goddess..& Niko constantly remindes me of that. I pity the next guy who gets involved with me. Just kidding.

Niko is another one of those people that I feel comfortable enough to fall asleep with..why else would I let him share a room & bed with me on the trip..oohhh the rumors that I am sure we started...hehe If they only knew.