Scared

Ok so here's the deal. The past few weeks I've been playing a waiting game, one that I would not recommend. Long story short, I had gone in for a regular checkup, things came back odd, more tests were ordered and poof - diagnosis made - pre-cancerous cells (thankfully very early stage) have been found and before I know it, I'm scheduling a surgery - yeah fun.
So what's odd about this is that I've been walking around with a brave face, but in all honesty I'm scared out of my mind. Yeah I'm thankful it was found early & hopefully this procedure will take care of it, but its scary nonetheless. Even scarier is the fact that if this procedure doesn't work and more drastic measures have to be taken, I take the chance of having difficulty conceiving, or even worse - not being able to have kids at all. That made my blood run cold. Yeah, I know that where things stand right now, kids are a very distant future, but they aren't completely out of reach. I know that I've said that I'll be content being single, having a full life and realizing that I won't have kids - I get that, but the possibility is still there - taking that possibility away - terrifying. As much as I cover it up, I think I would be a good mom, and in a lot of ways I want to experience having a child, carrying a human being inside me for 9 months, nurturing it and then bringing it into the world - its scary but also wonderful. I won't lie, there is a part of me that still wants that - I try to ignore it, but its there.
That and it freaks me out that if I hadn't gone for a checkup I may never have discovered this and could have ended up with cancer. I know everything happens for a reason and if the ex didn't give me reason to go get checked out I may never have discovered this. Guess I got back together with him for a reason - but of course I will never tell him.
I know that this too shall pass, I have the love and support of my family and friends and I'll be fine. The next year is going to be a pain with having to go for follow-ups every three months, but hey -small price to pay for my health -right?