Ok, I said that I would type my Mr. Newly Married Guy story..here is it. It's stupid, sappy, lacks imagination & character, but what do you expect when you are sitting at jury duty.
Rob lived a pretty satisfactory life - the bacholor's life. He worked downtown, in advertising. It was a tough job, but Rob was talented enough to have a secure & stable position at a well-established agency. He spent his days at work & his evenins hanging out with the guys at the bar or at his place playing video games or watching TV. (yup story starts out with typical bachelor, give me a break ok!)
After some time, Rob's friends started spending less & less time with him. They had girlfriends, wives & families. Rob thought they were idiots & that they were missing out on life.(Uhoh advice from the married friend has to be coming soon) It was his best buddy, Tom who opened Rob's eyes. "Man Rob, love is amazing. It's not the macho (macho did I really use that word..man I stink at this writing thing!) thing to say, but loves makes your life so much better, makes it worth living. When you hands fit into each others like gloves, when you hold her next to you and her hips and waist seem to fit next to you like a perfect fitting puzzle piece & when you look in her eyes & see your future - man, that's beyond words." (aww ain't that sweet!) Rob rolled his eyes, & thought Tom had lost it.
Next day, on the train heading to work, Rob looked up & saw a pretty woman sitting across from him. (we have all read & seen enough to know that she's the one, hate to be a spoil sport, but duh!) She was biting her lower lip, bouncing her feet & her eyes were darting around the train. Rob smiled at her, "You look nervous."
"Yeah, I have a job interview today. I really want this job."
"Well I am sure you will do just fine. This is my stop, but good luck."
"Thanks"
The rest of the day Rob thought about the mystery woman on the train, wondering how her interview went. He wondered if he would ever find the anwer. (yup he's been smitten!)
A week later, Rob had his answer. She was on the train again, only this time she had a big smile on her face. (No good love story happens without a twist of fate!)
"Hey, looks like you got the job"
"Yeah"
"Great, hey this calls for a celebration, care to meet me for drinks after work tonight?" He couldn't believe those words tumbled from his lips.
"Sure sounds great!"
They made plans to meet. Rob & Miranda, his mystery train woman, started spending more & more time together. The first time she took his hand he nearly fell over - no clumsy fidgiting of fingers to get it right - just happened. It started out as a pinky link and soon became the glove Tom warned him about. (Ok we all know parts 2 & 3 are going to be next)
At dinner one night, Rob spent a few more seconds that usual gazing into Miranda's eyes. He couldn't help it, it was like those crystal blue eyes had shown him his future. Again, Tom's words ran through his mind. (#2)
Finally one evening, while strolling through the city, they stopped to admire Buckingham Fountain. Miranda stood in front of him & pulled his arms around her waist - yup just like the puzzle piece. Tom was right. (Damn, he can't ignore it now)
So, one plain borning Tuesday, on their ride to work, Rob got down on one knee & proposed to the love of his life. The entire train, full of blurry eyed commuters, burst into applause. Old ladies grinned, and young women caught the tear that trickled from their eyes. (Awe predictable & sappy moment, so sue me!)
Two weeks before they left for their honeymoon, Rob got his notice for jury duty. So off on his honeymoon he went & upon his return did his civic duty.
Just before he walked out the door that morning, Miranda kissed him & handed him the book he planed to read. What he didn't know was that she had slipped a picture from their honeymooon into it, but when he found it, he smiled, and was glad she did.
And that is now Mr. Newly Married Guy ended up at jury duty that day, reading that book with that picture as a book mark - oh yeah & his last name started with the letters E-N!
Yeah you know I am probably really off maybe they met at a mosh pit, tatoo parlor, maybe they knew each other all thier lives, maybe his mom set them up, or maybe they worked together as teens, or maybe they were enemies in high school, or most likely they probably met over the Internet, any of those is possible, but I like me story better, so NAH
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
NO!! BRITNEY CAN"T BE PREGNANT
Ok, Briney has procreated..this just has to stop, and with that ass of a husband! He left his girlfriend..while she was pregnant with his 2nd child to marry Britney..get real. It's official, the world is all topsy turvey. Yeah that kid isn't in for a bucket full of troubles..get ready future therapists of America, there is a screwed up baby on the way!
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Civic Duty
Today I had to serve jury duty..I never got called into a room so I had plenty of time to waste..Here is what I did during my time. Lucky you! So here is what I wrote.
This whole doing your civic duty thing is really overrated. I have been sitting in this somewhat chilly room for what seems like ages. They keep calling all these panel #'s but are avoiding my like the plague. That's ok though, I really dont' want to have to go & pay attention to a court case. At least out here I can get research done & let my mind wander.
A nice woman,Kathy I think, sat next to me this morning. She struck up a brief conversation & she seemed polite enough. She was reading The Stories Bees Tell. I commented ono how I had heard it was a good book & then I saw it- my brian shouted "RUN NOW! SAVE YOURSELF!" The tip of her bookmark was sticking out advertising a Lutheran church. Uhoh, an uberchristian woman..I better keep my mouth shut & hope she does too. But she did, she saw I was working on thesis stuff & left me alone.
Gotta pee...just don't want to disturb those around me - that's ok, I can hold it for now.
Sitting in front of me is "Mr. Red Fuzzy Hair Ponytail man" Yeah that's a bit too long so I'll call him Hank - ok Hank it is. Pretty quiet, but does a lot of reading. He's reading I am me, I am free. Wonder what that's all about?
Went to lunch at the Thompson Center. Glad they gave us an hr & a half. People actualy stayed in the room, I need to escape. When I returned someone was in my seat. HOW DARE THEY!! now I know seats aren't assigned but really now the whole seating system in thrown off. HOW RUDE!.
Now Hank is on my right & Kathy is in front of me. See that throws off the whole karma.
Oh then there was Mr. I'll Catch the Elevator for you Man. Yeah, I think I'm gonna call him Adam, yeah kinda looks like an Adam to me. On my way out to lunch he held the evelator for me & pointed me to the Thompson Center. Nice guy - older, looks distinguished - like he accomplished something with him life. He was on the same elevator when I returned from lunch -saw he has the same panel # I do. Now he's in my row - yup Adam, me and Hank.
Oh, then there is one of my favorites - I call him, Newly Married Man 0r Rob, yeah Rob will work. Rob was behind me, but now he's in the same row as Kathy. I call him Newly Married Man because while reading (can't tell what book, but it does have a character named T-Bone.) he keeps stretching with his left hand, or resting his head on his left hand. He is obviously proud of that silver band on his finger & everything that is stands for. Awe-how cute, good for him, poor guy could be at home spending quality time with his wife. Yup there goes the hand again.
The noise coming from the heating vents is driving me nuts. Kinda sounds like a fountain - you know, like when you spend time in front of Buckingham Fountain. Sounds like a constant rush of water. Maybe that's why I have to pee..that or the ginormous Diet Coke I had at lunch. That's it I gotta pee--looks like Adam is snoozing, hate to bug him but nature calls.
AHHHmuch better. Woke Adam from his nap but he didn't seem to mind. On my way back from the washroom, he commented on how this is going to be the longest hr yet. See, if you panel isn't called by 3:30, chances are you can leave - yeah I know I just cursed myself. I just heard the phone behind the desk go okk, you know the bat phone, crap could mean that I will be called soon. NOOO!
Rob just got up. He's using a picture of him & his wife as a bookmark. Again, how sweet. I want that, someone to love me enough to use my picture as a bookmark. Hey Mrs. Newly Married Guy - count your blessings.
Wonder if these people have any idea that I"m over hear scribbling stuff about them & creating lives, worlds & relationships for them.
Saw one overly bleached blond lady reading Wicked. Bad hair..good book.
There are 3 identical bald heads in front of me. No kidding, 3 men, all in blue dress shirts. All three men are victims of male pattern baldness. Aww poor guys. Think I"ll call them The Three Barones - after Frank Barone on Everybody Loves Raymond - That's ok I have a soft spot for bald guys - I think they're cute =)
All of these people look so bored, I feel bad for them, but I too am among them.
Wow there goes Rob again, flashing that hand. Geez I get it. Your married, you've joined the ranks of the blisfully happy-blah, blah, blah. You know what? I think I will create a story about how Rob & his wife met (see next blog for that)
Just found out that Hank is studying Japanese. He's teaching himself. That's incredible. He seemed a little annoyed that Kathy bugged him though.
3:15 - so close. I'm hungry, gonna check out the vending machine.
My ass is numb!
Adam is old - just heard him mention something about Canasta Card.
Rob likes Skittles - good choice.
I opted for the Peanut M & Ms.
3:25 DEAR GOD LET ME OUT!
People are starting to get antsy, up & down, lots of shuffling, we are all hoping to be let out soon.
Ok where is that mystery voice behind the microphone who can set us free?
Who's the patron saint of jurors? Maybe I need to say a prayer.
Is there a god or goddess of jurors? Is a sacrifice in order? I'll find me a virgin - maybe not in this room (I'm out =) !) but I can find one. Hope Rob isn't one, man that would suck for him - Nah, he looks too happy - probably got morning sex - lucky bastard. STEPHANIE GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!
I give up I'm going for a 2 yr old magazine.
This whole doing your civic duty thing is really overrated. I have been sitting in this somewhat chilly room for what seems like ages. They keep calling all these panel #'s but are avoiding my like the plague. That's ok though, I really dont' want to have to go & pay attention to a court case. At least out here I can get research done & let my mind wander.
A nice woman,Kathy I think, sat next to me this morning. She struck up a brief conversation & she seemed polite enough. She was reading The Stories Bees Tell. I commented ono how I had heard it was a good book & then I saw it- my brian shouted "RUN NOW! SAVE YOURSELF!" The tip of her bookmark was sticking out advertising a Lutheran church. Uhoh, an uberchristian woman..I better keep my mouth shut & hope she does too. But she did, she saw I was working on thesis stuff & left me alone.
Gotta pee...just don't want to disturb those around me - that's ok, I can hold it for now.
Sitting in front of me is "Mr. Red Fuzzy Hair Ponytail man" Yeah that's a bit too long so I'll call him Hank - ok Hank it is. Pretty quiet, but does a lot of reading. He's reading I am me, I am free. Wonder what that's all about?
Went to lunch at the Thompson Center. Glad they gave us an hr & a half. People actualy stayed in the room, I need to escape. When I returned someone was in my seat. HOW DARE THEY!! now I know seats aren't assigned but really now the whole seating system in thrown off. HOW RUDE!.
Now Hank is on my right & Kathy is in front of me. See that throws off the whole karma.
Oh then there was Mr. I'll Catch the Elevator for you Man. Yeah, I think I'm gonna call him Adam, yeah kinda looks like an Adam to me. On my way out to lunch he held the evelator for me & pointed me to the Thompson Center. Nice guy - older, looks distinguished - like he accomplished something with him life. He was on the same elevator when I returned from lunch -saw he has the same panel # I do. Now he's in my row - yup Adam, me and Hank.
Oh, then there is one of my favorites - I call him, Newly Married Man 0r Rob, yeah Rob will work. Rob was behind me, but now he's in the same row as Kathy. I call him Newly Married Man because while reading (can't tell what book, but it does have a character named T-Bone.) he keeps stretching with his left hand, or resting his head on his left hand. He is obviously proud of that silver band on his finger & everything that is stands for. Awe-how cute, good for him, poor guy could be at home spending quality time with his wife. Yup there goes the hand again.
The noise coming from the heating vents is driving me nuts. Kinda sounds like a fountain - you know, like when you spend time in front of Buckingham Fountain. Sounds like a constant rush of water. Maybe that's why I have to pee..that or the ginormous Diet Coke I had at lunch. That's it I gotta pee--looks like Adam is snoozing, hate to bug him but nature calls.
AHHHmuch better. Woke Adam from his nap but he didn't seem to mind. On my way back from the washroom, he commented on how this is going to be the longest hr yet. See, if you panel isn't called by 3:30, chances are you can leave - yeah I know I just cursed myself. I just heard the phone behind the desk go okk, you know the bat phone, crap could mean that I will be called soon. NOOO!
Rob just got up. He's using a picture of him & his wife as a bookmark. Again, how sweet. I want that, someone to love me enough to use my picture as a bookmark. Hey Mrs. Newly Married Guy - count your blessings.
Wonder if these people have any idea that I"m over hear scribbling stuff about them & creating lives, worlds & relationships for them.
Saw one overly bleached blond lady reading Wicked. Bad hair..good book.
There are 3 identical bald heads in front of me. No kidding, 3 men, all in blue dress shirts. All three men are victims of male pattern baldness. Aww poor guys. Think I"ll call them The Three Barones - after Frank Barone on Everybody Loves Raymond - That's ok I have a soft spot for bald guys - I think they're cute =)
All of these people look so bored, I feel bad for them, but I too am among them.
Wow there goes Rob again, flashing that hand. Geez I get it. Your married, you've joined the ranks of the blisfully happy-blah, blah, blah. You know what? I think I will create a story about how Rob & his wife met (see next blog for that)
Just found out that Hank is studying Japanese. He's teaching himself. That's incredible. He seemed a little annoyed that Kathy bugged him though.
3:15 - so close. I'm hungry, gonna check out the vending machine.
My ass is numb!
Adam is old - just heard him mention something about Canasta Card.
Rob likes Skittles - good choice.
I opted for the Peanut M & Ms.
3:25 DEAR GOD LET ME OUT!
People are starting to get antsy, up & down, lots of shuffling, we are all hoping to be let out soon.
Ok where is that mystery voice behind the microphone who can set us free?
Who's the patron saint of jurors? Maybe I need to say a prayer.
Is there a god or goddess of jurors? Is a sacrifice in order? I'll find me a virgin - maybe not in this room (I'm out =) !) but I can find one. Hope Rob isn't one, man that would suck for him - Nah, he looks too happy - probably got morning sex - lucky bastard. STEPHANIE GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!
I give up I'm going for a 2 yr old magazine.
Grr & yeah
GRR..I have to go serve jury duty tomorrow. What a waste of my day. I know that it is my civic duty to serve & do this but the $17.25 just isn't worth the hassle. I have a ton of stuff to do at work & now I am loosing a day. Not only that, no one wants me on their jury, I have no patience for stupid people and thier petty lawsuits. AWW BOO HOO McDonald's made me fat. No they didn't you MORON!! You drove your self to McDonald's, no one made you order the extra value meal. JUST SAY NO!! TAKE SOME PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!! GRR also to the fact that I had to work out today!! BLAH!! I hate working out but I know its something I have to do if I want to be healthy & if I don't want to look like the fat cow that I am now. Not only that, if I am going to Greece this summer & have to spend time in a bathing suit, then I better find a new body. So I am working out on my glider, trying to remember to squeeze my butt cheeks, suck my tummy in, breath & keep walking..yeah just not cut out for this. I looked ridiculous & I was a sweaty mess..Sexy..I know I will just sue every food company & blame them for my looks..or my parents for the genetics...yeah see what I mean. GRR also to parents who will not take responsibilty for their kids. These kind of people make Rafe's job very difficult & he is burned out. It's not fair, they have someone who could really have a passion for his job, and they just burn him out. Not a wise idea. Again, all about that personal responsibilty thing. Yeah to those who's love life is on the right track or on its way to being there. Yeah for Jackie & Mike..awe he's a sweetie, really. Glad that the long distance thing is starting to become something more permanent. I only spent one day with Mike but it is obvious that the adores, resepects, loves & cherishes Jackie. She deserves that. Yeah to Nani & Travis, the wedding is only 5 months away & they haven't killed each other yet, that is an accomplishment. Yeah to Maria & Dar, 5 months of wedded bliss & we finally got to see the pictures..they are beautiful. For a wedding that had the potential to come off as a bit weird and tacky, it really wasnt'. Maria looked like so gorgeous, and the ceremony was sweet but beautiful. We all had a blast. Where else could I go to a wedding dressed as a flapper. Not only that I got to play the role of Rafe's significant other during one of the first dances..awe..ain't that sweet. Yeah to Melissa & Kenny..they had a rocky road, but they are doing good..keep it up. Yeah also to Niko & John who found time to have lunch with me on Friday before they spent a nice long weekend together. Hope you had fun! & Finally Yeah to Rafe & Andy for trying to rebuild some sort of relationship...takes guts, I admire you guys & your courage. I know its scary but have no fear..I know you guys will be ok =)
Is there a yeah in there for me? Yeah I guess..yeah for reading some thesis articles, for coming off as a professional in my first meeting where my new job as marketing coordinator actually ment something, yeah for my more professional role at work & job recruiting, yeah for my kitty Sneekers..he wasn't cranky today & yeah for Snowball, he shed like a madman today, but he's SOO CUTE..& yeah that I made it though the day & didn't intentially hurt my fellow man. I made an effort to help those around me, look on the bright side of things, and to try to have a positive attitude..granted I am not perfect, but I tried!
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Feeling Ehh
Feeling kinda ehh today, don't even really know why. It's beautiful outside, I should be excited, but I am just like, ehh that's cool. Really should be working on my thesis, yeah I'll get to it. Found out that I may not be able to spend a few weeks in Greece this summer. That sucks. But who knows maybe I will. Though everything happens for a reason, so if I go or don't go, its written in the cards.
Had fun last night. Went to a bonfire. Wish Brandon was there though, coulda used a shoulder rub. Oh well, learned a lot about people. That's what happens when you play I never. That's ok, they learned stuff about me too (wink!). It ended kinda early, and I stuck around & talked to Rafe..love that boy. I was just in a contemplative mood, crying, laughing, and just being goofy. He helped me figure stuff out though. I realized that I am a lot stronger that I often give myself credit for. It's time for me to take some chances in life. Time to jump outta the plane & hope that the parachute opens. Even if it doesn't I know my friends will be the airbag to catch me.
There is something in the air though. Don't know if its spring fever or love or pollution..something is going on. People are acting differently. Actually lots of people around me at jumpin outta those planes.
Rafe & Andy are working on rebuiling their friendship. It takes a lot of guts & courage to do that. I know that Rafe loves him & always has, hope things work out. I wish I could say that I hate Andy & that he is scum but that's just not the case. I think he got scared...realized that no matter what, Rafe was the one that he was depending on, trusting, and really relying on...that's a scary prospect, so he ended up hurting Rafe instead of facing his own reality. It happens to the best of us. It's frightening to have that kind of a commitment with someone, & sometimes when the going gets rough, even the toughest run. They say you always hurt the ones you love, don't I know that! The thing is, it's not intentional, but it sure does screw stuff up. I know Rafe is scared & guarded to have Andy back in his life, but at the same time excited & hopeful. Me too!
Spent time talking about that & other stuff last night. It was nice being around the fire though..very relaxing. No one was there to impress anyone else, it was good. It was a little weird though because I don't really know all these people & there are so many times that I still don't think that I fit it, but really that has been the story of my life. I didn't fit in in grade school, high school, with families of those I have had relationships with, my own family or work. I am like the odd duck. It's like I am that puzzle piece that when you look at it your like "does it fit? Not sure. Well just leave it there until something better comes along". Well for now I fit in some odd way & I am content with that.
ok..thesis calls, actually so do the creative vibes..may write some poetry.
Had fun last night. Went to a bonfire. Wish Brandon was there though, coulda used a shoulder rub. Oh well, learned a lot about people. That's what happens when you play I never. That's ok, they learned stuff about me too (wink!). It ended kinda early, and I stuck around & talked to Rafe..love that boy. I was just in a contemplative mood, crying, laughing, and just being goofy. He helped me figure stuff out though. I realized that I am a lot stronger that I often give myself credit for. It's time for me to take some chances in life. Time to jump outta the plane & hope that the parachute opens. Even if it doesn't I know my friends will be the airbag to catch me.
There is something in the air though. Don't know if its spring fever or love or pollution..something is going on. People are acting differently. Actually lots of people around me at jumpin outta those planes.
Rafe & Andy are working on rebuiling their friendship. It takes a lot of guts & courage to do that. I know that Rafe loves him & always has, hope things work out. I wish I could say that I hate Andy & that he is scum but that's just not the case. I think he got scared...realized that no matter what, Rafe was the one that he was depending on, trusting, and really relying on...that's a scary prospect, so he ended up hurting Rafe instead of facing his own reality. It happens to the best of us. It's frightening to have that kind of a commitment with someone, & sometimes when the going gets rough, even the toughest run. They say you always hurt the ones you love, don't I know that! The thing is, it's not intentional, but it sure does screw stuff up. I know Rafe is scared & guarded to have Andy back in his life, but at the same time excited & hopeful. Me too!
Spent time talking about that & other stuff last night. It was nice being around the fire though..very relaxing. No one was there to impress anyone else, it was good. It was a little weird though because I don't really know all these people & there are so many times that I still don't think that I fit it, but really that has been the story of my life. I didn't fit in in grade school, high school, with families of those I have had relationships with, my own family or work. I am like the odd duck. It's like I am that puzzle piece that when you look at it your like "does it fit? Not sure. Well just leave it there until something better comes along". Well for now I fit in some odd way & I am content with that.
ok..thesis calls, actually so do the creative vibes..may write some poetry.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
10 Thing You May or May Not Know About Me
Okay..here are 10 things you may or may not know about me..Niko complained because he didn't know I had a bully button ring.
1. I am a mean chair dancer..watch out!
2. I had a bully button ring at one time & I want it back (it was kinda sexy)
3. One talent I wish I had but don't...I wish I could sing.
4. I want to learn how to ballroom dance.
5. I secretly desire to be turned into an animated cartoon figure & I want to provide the voice.
6. Once I smacked myself upside the head while trying to kill a fly (Don't lie you are all jealous..that's a talent you want!)
7. When no one is around I crank up the music & sing & dance in front of the mirror.
8. I'm an sucker for old school video games..Mario, Sonic, Q-bert, Tetris
9. I miss my Grandma Stella more than ever. She was my rock & even though she's no longer here, I still talk to her.
10. I am scared to go to sleep at night.
Bonus
11. I took my mom to a Barry Manilow concert..& had a good time...& cried during"Even Now" -good song, look up the lyrics..then STOP LAUGHING
1. I am a mean chair dancer..watch out!
2. I had a bully button ring at one time & I want it back (it was kinda sexy)
3. One talent I wish I had but don't...I wish I could sing.
4. I want to learn how to ballroom dance.
5. I secretly desire to be turned into an animated cartoon figure & I want to provide the voice.
6. Once I smacked myself upside the head while trying to kill a fly (Don't lie you are all jealous..that's a talent you want!)
7. When no one is around I crank up the music & sing & dance in front of the mirror.
8. I'm an sucker for old school video games..Mario, Sonic, Q-bert, Tetris
9. I miss my Grandma Stella more than ever. She was my rock & even though she's no longer here, I still talk to her.
10. I am scared to go to sleep at night.
Bonus
11. I took my mom to a Barry Manilow concert..& had a good time...& cried during"Even Now" -good song, look up the lyrics..then STOP LAUGHING
Friday, April 08, 2005
The Men In My Life
Men figure pretty predominantly in my life, the thing is, well most of the men in my life are gay. Ten years ago, if someone would have told me that gay men were going to have such a place in my heart I would have told them that they were insane, but you know what..they would have been right. Then again, ten years ago a perfect stranger led some insight into my life & at least for awhile she was right.
You see, I have two very special gay men in my life. I love them to death & I know that they love me. Rafe is one of my oldest and dearest friends. As a matter of fact we have known each other for ten years now, & there is only one other person in my life that I have known that long that I still talk to (sort of). Rafe is my knight in shining armour, he came in on his white horse & saved me from Tim, who well he thought he was going to be the next Pope & apparently I was so horrible I was going to be his first human sacrifice. Yeah this sounds like a guy the Catholic Church needs as their spokesperson. Anyway, Rafe came in & told him to leave me alone. Boy was I ever greatful. Though I was greatful I was not exactly happy. I was, well the best way to put it is I was a nasty person in high school. I pretty much didn't want to be bothered & as a result, built up some pretty impressivly thick walls. Well, Rafe saw right through that & for 10 years he has been chipping away at those walls & I love him for it.
He is one of the few people who will save me from my own worst enemy..myself. His genuine smile, crazy laugh & ability to read my mind have bonded us for what seems like a lifetime. I am comfortable enough around him to just invite myself over, crawl into his bed & have him hold me while I cry, laugh or simply spill my guts. Falling asleep with someone is a very intimate thing, and he is only one of three men that I have been able to do that with. He makes me laugh, challenges me, forces me to face the truth, and is there when I realize that the truth just plain SUCKS!! I really love Rafe. We have been through hard times & joyous times together, yet we still manage to call each other & get through. We have both watched each other spiral in one way or another & have risked losing our frienship just to pull out the friend card & save each other. He's almost like my safety net. Thanks to Rafe I have learned that showing my fun side and not giving a crap about what others think is really what makes life worth living. He's also taught me to go after what I want & what I deserve.
Niko is the other gay man in my life. Yeah that is one relationship that I didn't see coming, but the fates worked their magic. Through hard work, luck, and fates, I ended up taking a trip to Greece. Niko was in my class & we were going on the trip together. The funny thing is, we really didn't even talk until we were in the airport, waiting to board our plane. One plane ride can really change your life..did you know that. Well, that began a trip in which, for the most part, we were joined at the hip. We always sat together on the bus, shopped together, laughed together, and most importantly he shared with me & I with him. Greece in Niko's native land, and he wanted to show me everything he could. We spent hours in stores shopping for the perfect items, for ourselves..yet it was Niko who picked out the bracelet I bought & I picked out the book he bought. We had known in eachother for such a short amount of time, but managed to get it right. Niko is sooo funny, yet he is very insightful. He really pays attention, even when you think that what you say is meaningless. During what seemed liked a meaningless conversation on a bus ride I mentioned that I loved The Emperor's New Groove, and poof for my birthday be managed to track it down.
Niko is responsible for bestowing my nickname upon me. While in Greece I had some hair issues and at times it looked like the Olympic tourch..so he named me The Flame. Over the past year I became Lady Flame & on my 25th birthday I became Goddess Lady Flame or The Goddess for short. See that has given me a complex & I now expect to be treated like a Goddess..& Niko constantly remindes me of that. I pity the next guy who gets involved with me. Just kidding.
Niko is another one of those people that I feel comfortable enough to fall asleep with..why else would I let him share a room & bed with me on the trip..oohhh the rumors that I am sure we started...hehe If they only knew.
You see, I have two very special gay men in my life. I love them to death & I know that they love me. Rafe is one of my oldest and dearest friends. As a matter of fact we have known each other for ten years now, & there is only one other person in my life that I have known that long that I still talk to (sort of). Rafe is my knight in shining armour, he came in on his white horse & saved me from Tim, who well he thought he was going to be the next Pope & apparently I was so horrible I was going to be his first human sacrifice. Yeah this sounds like a guy the Catholic Church needs as their spokesperson. Anyway, Rafe came in & told him to leave me alone. Boy was I ever greatful. Though I was greatful I was not exactly happy. I was, well the best way to put it is I was a nasty person in high school. I pretty much didn't want to be bothered & as a result, built up some pretty impressivly thick walls. Well, Rafe saw right through that & for 10 years he has been chipping away at those walls & I love him for it.
He is one of the few people who will save me from my own worst enemy..myself. His genuine smile, crazy laugh & ability to read my mind have bonded us for what seems like a lifetime. I am comfortable enough around him to just invite myself over, crawl into his bed & have him hold me while I cry, laugh or simply spill my guts. Falling asleep with someone is a very intimate thing, and he is only one of three men that I have been able to do that with. He makes me laugh, challenges me, forces me to face the truth, and is there when I realize that the truth just plain SUCKS!! I really love Rafe. We have been through hard times & joyous times together, yet we still manage to call each other & get through. We have both watched each other spiral in one way or another & have risked losing our frienship just to pull out the friend card & save each other. He's almost like my safety net. Thanks to Rafe I have learned that showing my fun side and not giving a crap about what others think is really what makes life worth living. He's also taught me to go after what I want & what I deserve.
Niko is the other gay man in my life. Yeah that is one relationship that I didn't see coming, but the fates worked their magic. Through hard work, luck, and fates, I ended up taking a trip to Greece. Niko was in my class & we were going on the trip together. The funny thing is, we really didn't even talk until we were in the airport, waiting to board our plane. One plane ride can really change your life..did you know that. Well, that began a trip in which, for the most part, we were joined at the hip. We always sat together on the bus, shopped together, laughed together, and most importantly he shared with me & I with him. Greece in Niko's native land, and he wanted to show me everything he could. We spent hours in stores shopping for the perfect items, for ourselves..yet it was Niko who picked out the bracelet I bought & I picked out the book he bought. We had known in eachother for such a short amount of time, but managed to get it right. Niko is sooo funny, yet he is very insightful. He really pays attention, even when you think that what you say is meaningless. During what seemed liked a meaningless conversation on a bus ride I mentioned that I loved The Emperor's New Groove, and poof for my birthday be managed to track it down.
Niko is responsible for bestowing my nickname upon me. While in Greece I had some hair issues and at times it looked like the Olympic tourch..so he named me The Flame. Over the past year I became Lady Flame & on my 25th birthday I became Goddess Lady Flame or The Goddess for short. See that has given me a complex & I now expect to be treated like a Goddess..& Niko constantly remindes me of that. I pity the next guy who gets involved with me. Just kidding.
Niko is another one of those people that I feel comfortable enough to fall asleep with..why else would I let him share a room & bed with me on the trip..oohhh the rumors that I am sure we started...hehe If they only knew.
Thursday, April 07, 2005
When I am old
When I am old I hope I have the same outlook that I have now. I hope I am open and willing., I hope that my when I am old list will grow longer and more interesting
When I am old....
....I will still laugh with friends; it is always the best medicine
......I will still chair dance like none other (that one's mine & I'm not giving it up!)
.....I will tell my children to cherish those seemingly unimportant moments, they mean more than you think
.....I won't care what the world thinks of me, I have only to please myself
.....I will stay up until the wee hours of the morning on the phone with loved ones, even if I have to get up early for work
.....I will ride rollercoasters
.....I will jump into a shopping cart & allow myself to be pushed around
....I will tell my children that their happiness is more important than my own
....I will make the most of any situation
....I will sing at the top of my lungs in my car..& wave at anyone who stares at me
....I will spend quiet evenings at home just enjoying being myself
...I will spend quiet evenings at home with friends, enjoying them
...I will do "chicken on crack" for no apparent reason
....I will laugh with my whole being
...I will cry true, heartfelt tears
...I will forgive with a tender heart
....I will listen with an open mind, open heart and closed mouth
....I will realize my mistakes, and attempt to fix them
..I will understand that not everyone understands my sarcasm
...I will try not to hide behind that sarcasm
..I will love with my whole being
When I am old....
....I will still laugh with friends; it is always the best medicine
......I will still chair dance like none other (that one's mine & I'm not giving it up!)
.....I will tell my children to cherish those seemingly unimportant moments, they mean more than you think
.....I won't care what the world thinks of me, I have only to please myself
.....I will stay up until the wee hours of the morning on the phone with loved ones, even if I have to get up early for work
.....I will ride rollercoasters
.....I will jump into a shopping cart & allow myself to be pushed around
....I will tell my children that their happiness is more important than my own
....I will make the most of any situation
....I will sing at the top of my lungs in my car..& wave at anyone who stares at me
....I will spend quiet evenings at home just enjoying being myself
...I will spend quiet evenings at home with friends, enjoying them
...I will do "chicken on crack" for no apparent reason
....I will laugh with my whole being
...I will cry true, heartfelt tears
...I will forgive with a tender heart
....I will listen with an open mind, open heart and closed mouth
....I will realize my mistakes, and attempt to fix them
..I will understand that not everyone understands my sarcasm
...I will try not to hide behind that sarcasm
..I will love with my whole being
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Pressure
Ahh pressure, I used to say that I worked better under pressure...yeah not anymore. Pressure has led me to pull a weekend of all nighters, without any drinking , dancing, music, or friends involved. The all nighters have also caused me to do some weird stuff, make bad judgment calls, and somehow think that my fluffy white cat really was a snowball. Sleep deprivation is not always the best thing. But I must thank my miracle concoction of Super Vitamin B Complex and ginseng. I only got 4 hours of sleep last night (a lot compared to my weekend) and now I am wired.
Working on my honors thesis has led me to believe that a lot of crap about school is overrated. Ok this is where I stand. I am an English major, which means that when I graduate in May I will have zero marketable skills. What kind of a job do you get as an English major? Yeah, you don't. I can't teach, I do not have a teaching degree and unless I want to continue my education and go for a teaching certificate, teaching is not an option.
Of course, there is always the option of continuing my education and pursuing a Master's degree. Sounds fine and dandy, right? Nope, see you cannot have an undeclared master's. Ok, so I am screwed again. My love of books, reading them, not writing them, has led me to this state.
Though I complain, I must admit, I really did enjoy a lot of the classes I took. I learned a lot, but unfortunately, it does not open a lot of doors for a career. Then again, I really don't mind. I do not want to define myself by my career anyway. A job does not define a person. As far a job, well I have had my share of crappy ones, but I find that if you find a way to make it worth your while, then it's not so bad. Hey I was a cashier at a tiny grocery store, this place didn't even have a scanner, still doesn't, but I found a way to make it fun. I even found a slight bit of amusement when I worked at a print shop and spent my days covered in blue ink.
Who knows, the job I have now may lead me to my future. Somehow I managed to work my way up from receptionist, to assistant office manager to marketing coordinator. I have no idea how that happened, but I blame my creative flare. I may not have it in me to write the next great American novel, but if I can be creative enough to figure out how to boost copier sales, well then, I must be working some sort of magic. So maybe there is a future for me in marketing..Or the circus, whatever..As long as they don't ask me to be a clown.
Working on my honors thesis has led me to believe that a lot of crap about school is overrated. Ok this is where I stand. I am an English major, which means that when I graduate in May I will have zero marketable skills. What kind of a job do you get as an English major? Yeah, you don't. I can't teach, I do not have a teaching degree and unless I want to continue my education and go for a teaching certificate, teaching is not an option.
Of course, there is always the option of continuing my education and pursuing a Master's degree. Sounds fine and dandy, right? Nope, see you cannot have an undeclared master's. Ok, so I am screwed again. My love of books, reading them, not writing them, has led me to this state.
Though I complain, I must admit, I really did enjoy a lot of the classes I took. I learned a lot, but unfortunately, it does not open a lot of doors for a career. Then again, I really don't mind. I do not want to define myself by my career anyway. A job does not define a person. As far a job, well I have had my share of crappy ones, but I find that if you find a way to make it worth your while, then it's not so bad. Hey I was a cashier at a tiny grocery store, this place didn't even have a scanner, still doesn't, but I found a way to make it fun. I even found a slight bit of amusement when I worked at a print shop and spent my days covered in blue ink.
Who knows, the job I have now may lead me to my future. Somehow I managed to work my way up from receptionist, to assistant office manager to marketing coordinator. I have no idea how that happened, but I blame my creative flare. I may not have it in me to write the next great American novel, but if I can be creative enough to figure out how to boost copier sales, well then, I must be working some sort of magic. So maybe there is a future for me in marketing..Or the circus, whatever..As long as they don't ask me to be a clown.
Friday, April 01, 2005
Vacation Reflections
I know I spoke about my vacation to Minnesota, & I promise that I will have funny stories to tell, but I want to spend some time reflecting on a vacation I took about a year ago.
A year ago, I had the opportunity to spend some time in Greece. There I learned so much, that I just want to share some of my experiences.
Some things I learned in Greece:
Seafood is ALWAYS better when it is caught the same day you are having it.
I learned the joy of a three hour dinner. To just sit around for hours, laughing, talking, sharing, and experiencing wonderful food is something that I have come to appreciate. Our meals would last for hours, no one was in a hurry, the food was wonderful, but really it took a backseat to the experience of sitting for hours with friends and strangers, learning about each other and how in one way or another we are all connected. The smells of fresh food, the noise of clanking glasses, the sounds of the streets, and the pure pleasure of conversation is something that I will never forget, and have brought that back with me.
Spiritual events do not always happen in a church. We had the opportunity to see the lighting of the Olympic Torch. Sitting there, on the grass, in the same place that the very first Olympics took place, and hearing the ancient music, seeing the ancient dance, and watching the fire of life start it's travels around the world sent chills up my spine. I was a part of a moment that will forever remain with me. It was the most moving experience I have ever had. It was as though I was suspended in time and I saw the past and the future. It was a moment, where I was a stranger in a country, and I was made to feel like I belonged. For the Greeks to share this ancient experience was nothing short of amazing..It is something will never forget. The moment literally brought tears to my eyes, and when our bus driver..A true Greek, hugged me, and said "I am so happy to share this with you..My friend. Welcome to Greece, you are now one of us" Really that was a moment unlike any I will ever experience again.
Laughter is the best sound in the entire world.
True frienships are something that happens when you least expect it. Niko & I clicked immediatly and we were soon inseperable. To find someone who had as much passion for the things I did was fantastic. He could read my moods and vice versa..we spoke a total of 10 words to each other before the trip and by the time we landed we were chattering nonstop and found a true connection. To have a friend share with you his true self is amazing, and I thank him for that.
Eating outside, with a view of the ocean..yeah nothing beats that.
Except maybe a view of the Parthenon at night from your hotel room.
Love is universal. Love is amazing. Love is something that must be handeled very carefully. I learned that you have to really treasure the love in your life, to mourn its loss, and to understand that in time, love will come again. Love is unpredictable, and love has a sense of humor. Love will surprise you, smack you upside the head, and then run away and demand that you chase it. And yes, sometimes love never dies, and if the tides are right, the fates are in your favor, and if you are willing to work for it....sometimes love rekindles itself.
UNO makes a GREAT drinking game.
I would not recommed sobering up in the cold ocean at 2am, when the rocks are REALLY sharp...not a good idea..though it was kinda fun.
Dancing in the street is an experience that not enough of us have..TRY IT!!!
Eating outside has become one of my favorite things.
Sitting outside, in the pitch dark, on a rock by the ocean, looking up at the countless stars, really makes a person feel small, yet like a part of the world. It's corny, but we are all looking at the same big sky, and that is an amazing feeling..shooting stars are also a sight to be seen.
Moonlight walks along the ocean..a must.
When something is missing in your life or your relationship..find it, or change it, or get out of the relationship...relationships with people are complicated, but to try to be with someone, on any level, when something isn't right, or off, or missing, is a waste of energy..you can't make that something appear..it is or isn't.
Long bus rides aren't so bad when you share them with friends.
There is so much more that I will share, but for now I think I need to rest and reflect even more.
A year ago, I had the opportunity to spend some time in Greece. There I learned so much, that I just want to share some of my experiences.
Some things I learned in Greece:
Seafood is ALWAYS better when it is caught the same day you are having it.
I learned the joy of a three hour dinner. To just sit around for hours, laughing, talking, sharing, and experiencing wonderful food is something that I have come to appreciate. Our meals would last for hours, no one was in a hurry, the food was wonderful, but really it took a backseat to the experience of sitting for hours with friends and strangers, learning about each other and how in one way or another we are all connected. The smells of fresh food, the noise of clanking glasses, the sounds of the streets, and the pure pleasure of conversation is something that I will never forget, and have brought that back with me.
Spiritual events do not always happen in a church. We had the opportunity to see the lighting of the Olympic Torch. Sitting there, on the grass, in the same place that the very first Olympics took place, and hearing the ancient music, seeing the ancient dance, and watching the fire of life start it's travels around the world sent chills up my spine. I was a part of a moment that will forever remain with me. It was the most moving experience I have ever had. It was as though I was suspended in time and I saw the past and the future. It was a moment, where I was a stranger in a country, and I was made to feel like I belonged. For the Greeks to share this ancient experience was nothing short of amazing..It is something will never forget. The moment literally brought tears to my eyes, and when our bus driver..A true Greek, hugged me, and said "I am so happy to share this with you..My friend. Welcome to Greece, you are now one of us" Really that was a moment unlike any I will ever experience again.
Laughter is the best sound in the entire world.
True frienships are something that happens when you least expect it. Niko & I clicked immediatly and we were soon inseperable. To find someone who had as much passion for the things I did was fantastic. He could read my moods and vice versa..we spoke a total of 10 words to each other before the trip and by the time we landed we were chattering nonstop and found a true connection. To have a friend share with you his true self is amazing, and I thank him for that.
Eating outside, with a view of the ocean..yeah nothing beats that.
Except maybe a view of the Parthenon at night from your hotel room.
Love is universal. Love is amazing. Love is something that must be handeled very carefully. I learned that you have to really treasure the love in your life, to mourn its loss, and to understand that in time, love will come again. Love is unpredictable, and love has a sense of humor. Love will surprise you, smack you upside the head, and then run away and demand that you chase it. And yes, sometimes love never dies, and if the tides are right, the fates are in your favor, and if you are willing to work for it....sometimes love rekindles itself.
UNO makes a GREAT drinking game.
I would not recommed sobering up in the cold ocean at 2am, when the rocks are REALLY sharp...not a good idea..though it was kinda fun.
Dancing in the street is an experience that not enough of us have..TRY IT!!!
Eating outside has become one of my favorite things.
Sitting outside, in the pitch dark, on a rock by the ocean, looking up at the countless stars, really makes a person feel small, yet like a part of the world. It's corny, but we are all looking at the same big sky, and that is an amazing feeling..shooting stars are also a sight to be seen.
Moonlight walks along the ocean..a must.
When something is missing in your life or your relationship..find it, or change it, or get out of the relationship...relationships with people are complicated, but to try to be with someone, on any level, when something isn't right, or off, or missing, is a waste of energy..you can't make that something appear..it is or isn't.
Long bus rides aren't so bad when you share them with friends.
There is so much more that I will share, but for now I think I need to rest and reflect even more.
Vacation
Being that I live in the Midwest, I now suffer from spring fever. I need to get out of this weather, its cold, and crappy. Yes, these past few days it has been nice out, but its only a taste of what's to come.
Well, my friends and I are the stupidest people on the planet. In order to escape this weather we decided to go on a vacation..to MINNESOTA!! Yeah, we are not the brighest people in the book. We drove up in a blizzard & ended up staying where there was 20 inches of snow!! Yeah not the brightest..but you know what, we had a blast. It was so much fun. Only goes to show that you can turn any situation into fun.
Hopefully I will post the stories of fun from that vacation soon.
Well, my friends and I are the stupidest people on the planet. In order to escape this weather we decided to go on a vacation..to MINNESOTA!! Yeah, we are not the brighest people in the book. We drove up in a blizzard & ended up staying where there was 20 inches of snow!! Yeah not the brightest..but you know what, we had a blast. It was so much fun. Only goes to show that you can turn any situation into fun.
Hopefully I will post the stories of fun from that vacation soon.
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