Blah

Holiday Blues have set in. It's this time of year that I am glad that I am not in a relationship. Harsh - I know.

I just see what my sister's going through - trying to split the holdiays between the two families - both wanting her and her boyfriend at the festivities. Maybe it's because I had a bad experience with significant others parents. I'm always trying to make sure that I fit the expecatations - I want to make everyone happy. Moms in particular scare me. It is horrible that I felt a slight sense of relief when I found out that the last guy I dated - his mom passed away. I'm a terrible person. I just felt like well, "I don't have to prove to her that I am good for her son".

It's to the point that I think I am pushing away potential relationships. I mean, there is this guy - he's great - mature, focused, working to complete his degree in physical therapy, tall, balding (so some things I just can't give up!). He's obviously interested, but I am making it so difficult for this poor guy. It could be that I found out that he has a huge family (he's one of 5) and not only would I have to prove myself to his mom, but I would also have to prove myself to his older sisters! Yeah, that's not pressure.

So, instead of pursuing this - and in all fairness - he's great - I'm making the poor guy wonder why he even showed interest in the first place.

That and I just don't want to deal with the whole beginning a relationship thing. I know that that's supposed to be the fun stuff, but right now, at this time in my life, I just don't want to find a way to fit someone else in. Am I being selfish in not wanting to deal or to let anyone in? No - I'm just scared, I know it.

Lord help this poor boy - and myself - only time will tell.