Okay..here are 10 things you may or may not know about me..Niko complained because he didn't know I had a bully button ring.
1. I am a mean chair dancer..watch out!
2. I had a bully button ring at one time & I want it back (it was kinda sexy)
3. One talent I wish I had but don't...I wish I could sing.
4. I want to learn how to ballroom dance.
5. I secretly desire to be turned into an animated cartoon figure & I want to provide the voice.
6. Once I smacked myself upside the head while trying to kill a fly (Don't lie you are all jealous..that's a talent you want!)
7. When no one is around I crank up the music & sing & dance in front of the mirror.
8. I'm an sucker for old school video games..Mario, Sonic, Q-bert, Tetris
9. I miss my Grandma Stella more than ever. She was my rock & even though she's no longer here, I still talk to her.
10. I am scared to go to sleep at night.
Bonus
11. I took my mom to a Barry Manilow concert..& had a good time...& cried during"Even Now" -good song, look up the lyrics..then STOP LAUGHING
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Friday, April 08, 2005
The Men In My Life
Men figure pretty predominantly in my life, the thing is, well most of the men in my life are gay. Ten years ago, if someone would have told me that gay men were going to have such a place in my heart I would have told them that they were insane, but you know what..they would have been right. Then again, ten years ago a perfect stranger led some insight into my life & at least for awhile she was right.
You see, I have two very special gay men in my life. I love them to death & I know that they love me. Rafe is one of my oldest and dearest friends. As a matter of fact we have known each other for ten years now, & there is only one other person in my life that I have known that long that I still talk to (sort of). Rafe is my knight in shining armour, he came in on his white horse & saved me from Tim, who well he thought he was going to be the next Pope & apparently I was so horrible I was going to be his first human sacrifice. Yeah this sounds like a guy the Catholic Church needs as their spokesperson. Anyway, Rafe came in & told him to leave me alone. Boy was I ever greatful. Though I was greatful I was not exactly happy. I was, well the best way to put it is I was a nasty person in high school. I pretty much didn't want to be bothered & as a result, built up some pretty impressivly thick walls. Well, Rafe saw right through that & for 10 years he has been chipping away at those walls & I love him for it.
He is one of the few people who will save me from my own worst enemy..myself. His genuine smile, crazy laugh & ability to read my mind have bonded us for what seems like a lifetime. I am comfortable enough around him to just invite myself over, crawl into his bed & have him hold me while I cry, laugh or simply spill my guts. Falling asleep with someone is a very intimate thing, and he is only one of three men that I have been able to do that with. He makes me laugh, challenges me, forces me to face the truth, and is there when I realize that the truth just plain SUCKS!! I really love Rafe. We have been through hard times & joyous times together, yet we still manage to call each other & get through. We have both watched each other spiral in one way or another & have risked losing our frienship just to pull out the friend card & save each other. He's almost like my safety net. Thanks to Rafe I have learned that showing my fun side and not giving a crap about what others think is really what makes life worth living. He's also taught me to go after what I want & what I deserve.
Niko is the other gay man in my life. Yeah that is one relationship that I didn't see coming, but the fates worked their magic. Through hard work, luck, and fates, I ended up taking a trip to Greece. Niko was in my class & we were going on the trip together. The funny thing is, we really didn't even talk until we were in the airport, waiting to board our plane. One plane ride can really change your life..did you know that. Well, that began a trip in which, for the most part, we were joined at the hip. We always sat together on the bus, shopped together, laughed together, and most importantly he shared with me & I with him. Greece in Niko's native land, and he wanted to show me everything he could. We spent hours in stores shopping for the perfect items, for ourselves..yet it was Niko who picked out the bracelet I bought & I picked out the book he bought. We had known in eachother for such a short amount of time, but managed to get it right. Niko is sooo funny, yet he is very insightful. He really pays attention, even when you think that what you say is meaningless. During what seemed liked a meaningless conversation on a bus ride I mentioned that I loved The Emperor's New Groove, and poof for my birthday be managed to track it down.
Niko is responsible for bestowing my nickname upon me. While in Greece I had some hair issues and at times it looked like the Olympic tourch..so he named me The Flame. Over the past year I became Lady Flame & on my 25th birthday I became Goddess Lady Flame or The Goddess for short. See that has given me a complex & I now expect to be treated like a Goddess..& Niko constantly remindes me of that. I pity the next guy who gets involved with me. Just kidding.
Niko is another one of those people that I feel comfortable enough to fall asleep with..why else would I let him share a room & bed with me on the trip..oohhh the rumors that I am sure we started...hehe If they only knew.
You see, I have two very special gay men in my life. I love them to death & I know that they love me. Rafe is one of my oldest and dearest friends. As a matter of fact we have known each other for ten years now, & there is only one other person in my life that I have known that long that I still talk to (sort of). Rafe is my knight in shining armour, he came in on his white horse & saved me from Tim, who well he thought he was going to be the next Pope & apparently I was so horrible I was going to be his first human sacrifice. Yeah this sounds like a guy the Catholic Church needs as their spokesperson. Anyway, Rafe came in & told him to leave me alone. Boy was I ever greatful. Though I was greatful I was not exactly happy. I was, well the best way to put it is I was a nasty person in high school. I pretty much didn't want to be bothered & as a result, built up some pretty impressivly thick walls. Well, Rafe saw right through that & for 10 years he has been chipping away at those walls & I love him for it.
He is one of the few people who will save me from my own worst enemy..myself. His genuine smile, crazy laugh & ability to read my mind have bonded us for what seems like a lifetime. I am comfortable enough around him to just invite myself over, crawl into his bed & have him hold me while I cry, laugh or simply spill my guts. Falling asleep with someone is a very intimate thing, and he is only one of three men that I have been able to do that with. He makes me laugh, challenges me, forces me to face the truth, and is there when I realize that the truth just plain SUCKS!! I really love Rafe. We have been through hard times & joyous times together, yet we still manage to call each other & get through. We have both watched each other spiral in one way or another & have risked losing our frienship just to pull out the friend card & save each other. He's almost like my safety net. Thanks to Rafe I have learned that showing my fun side and not giving a crap about what others think is really what makes life worth living. He's also taught me to go after what I want & what I deserve.
Niko is the other gay man in my life. Yeah that is one relationship that I didn't see coming, but the fates worked their magic. Through hard work, luck, and fates, I ended up taking a trip to Greece. Niko was in my class & we were going on the trip together. The funny thing is, we really didn't even talk until we were in the airport, waiting to board our plane. One plane ride can really change your life..did you know that. Well, that began a trip in which, for the most part, we were joined at the hip. We always sat together on the bus, shopped together, laughed together, and most importantly he shared with me & I with him. Greece in Niko's native land, and he wanted to show me everything he could. We spent hours in stores shopping for the perfect items, for ourselves..yet it was Niko who picked out the bracelet I bought & I picked out the book he bought. We had known in eachother for such a short amount of time, but managed to get it right. Niko is sooo funny, yet he is very insightful. He really pays attention, even when you think that what you say is meaningless. During what seemed liked a meaningless conversation on a bus ride I mentioned that I loved The Emperor's New Groove, and poof for my birthday be managed to track it down.
Niko is responsible for bestowing my nickname upon me. While in Greece I had some hair issues and at times it looked like the Olympic tourch..so he named me The Flame. Over the past year I became Lady Flame & on my 25th birthday I became Goddess Lady Flame or The Goddess for short. See that has given me a complex & I now expect to be treated like a Goddess..& Niko constantly remindes me of that. I pity the next guy who gets involved with me. Just kidding.
Niko is another one of those people that I feel comfortable enough to fall asleep with..why else would I let him share a room & bed with me on the trip..oohhh the rumors that I am sure we started...hehe If they only knew.
Thursday, April 07, 2005
When I am old
When I am old I hope I have the same outlook that I have now. I hope I am open and willing., I hope that my when I am old list will grow longer and more interesting
When I am old....
....I will still laugh with friends; it is always the best medicine
......I will still chair dance like none other (that one's mine & I'm not giving it up!)
.....I will tell my children to cherish those seemingly unimportant moments, they mean more than you think
.....I won't care what the world thinks of me, I have only to please myself
.....I will stay up until the wee hours of the morning on the phone with loved ones, even if I have to get up early for work
.....I will ride rollercoasters
.....I will jump into a shopping cart & allow myself to be pushed around
....I will tell my children that their happiness is more important than my own
....I will make the most of any situation
....I will sing at the top of my lungs in my car..& wave at anyone who stares at me
....I will spend quiet evenings at home just enjoying being myself
...I will spend quiet evenings at home with friends, enjoying them
...I will do "chicken on crack" for no apparent reason
....I will laugh with my whole being
...I will cry true, heartfelt tears
...I will forgive with a tender heart
....I will listen with an open mind, open heart and closed mouth
....I will realize my mistakes, and attempt to fix them
..I will understand that not everyone understands my sarcasm
...I will try not to hide behind that sarcasm
..I will love with my whole being
When I am old....
....I will still laugh with friends; it is always the best medicine
......I will still chair dance like none other (that one's mine & I'm not giving it up!)
.....I will tell my children to cherish those seemingly unimportant moments, they mean more than you think
.....I won't care what the world thinks of me, I have only to please myself
.....I will stay up until the wee hours of the morning on the phone with loved ones, even if I have to get up early for work
.....I will ride rollercoasters
.....I will jump into a shopping cart & allow myself to be pushed around
....I will tell my children that their happiness is more important than my own
....I will make the most of any situation
....I will sing at the top of my lungs in my car..& wave at anyone who stares at me
....I will spend quiet evenings at home just enjoying being myself
...I will spend quiet evenings at home with friends, enjoying them
...I will do "chicken on crack" for no apparent reason
....I will laugh with my whole being
...I will cry true, heartfelt tears
...I will forgive with a tender heart
....I will listen with an open mind, open heart and closed mouth
....I will realize my mistakes, and attempt to fix them
..I will understand that not everyone understands my sarcasm
...I will try not to hide behind that sarcasm
..I will love with my whole being
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Pressure
Ahh pressure, I used to say that I worked better under pressure...yeah not anymore. Pressure has led me to pull a weekend of all nighters, without any drinking , dancing, music, or friends involved. The all nighters have also caused me to do some weird stuff, make bad judgment calls, and somehow think that my fluffy white cat really was a snowball. Sleep deprivation is not always the best thing. But I must thank my miracle concoction of Super Vitamin B Complex and ginseng. I only got 4 hours of sleep last night (a lot compared to my weekend) and now I am wired.
Working on my honors thesis has led me to believe that a lot of crap about school is overrated. Ok this is where I stand. I am an English major, which means that when I graduate in May I will have zero marketable skills. What kind of a job do you get as an English major? Yeah, you don't. I can't teach, I do not have a teaching degree and unless I want to continue my education and go for a teaching certificate, teaching is not an option.
Of course, there is always the option of continuing my education and pursuing a Master's degree. Sounds fine and dandy, right? Nope, see you cannot have an undeclared master's. Ok, so I am screwed again. My love of books, reading them, not writing them, has led me to this state.
Though I complain, I must admit, I really did enjoy a lot of the classes I took. I learned a lot, but unfortunately, it does not open a lot of doors for a career. Then again, I really don't mind. I do not want to define myself by my career anyway. A job does not define a person. As far a job, well I have had my share of crappy ones, but I find that if you find a way to make it worth your while, then it's not so bad. Hey I was a cashier at a tiny grocery store, this place didn't even have a scanner, still doesn't, but I found a way to make it fun. I even found a slight bit of amusement when I worked at a print shop and spent my days covered in blue ink.
Who knows, the job I have now may lead me to my future. Somehow I managed to work my way up from receptionist, to assistant office manager to marketing coordinator. I have no idea how that happened, but I blame my creative flare. I may not have it in me to write the next great American novel, but if I can be creative enough to figure out how to boost copier sales, well then, I must be working some sort of magic. So maybe there is a future for me in marketing..Or the circus, whatever..As long as they don't ask me to be a clown.
Working on my honors thesis has led me to believe that a lot of crap about school is overrated. Ok this is where I stand. I am an English major, which means that when I graduate in May I will have zero marketable skills. What kind of a job do you get as an English major? Yeah, you don't. I can't teach, I do not have a teaching degree and unless I want to continue my education and go for a teaching certificate, teaching is not an option.
Of course, there is always the option of continuing my education and pursuing a Master's degree. Sounds fine and dandy, right? Nope, see you cannot have an undeclared master's. Ok, so I am screwed again. My love of books, reading them, not writing them, has led me to this state.
Though I complain, I must admit, I really did enjoy a lot of the classes I took. I learned a lot, but unfortunately, it does not open a lot of doors for a career. Then again, I really don't mind. I do not want to define myself by my career anyway. A job does not define a person. As far a job, well I have had my share of crappy ones, but I find that if you find a way to make it worth your while, then it's not so bad. Hey I was a cashier at a tiny grocery store, this place didn't even have a scanner, still doesn't, but I found a way to make it fun. I even found a slight bit of amusement when I worked at a print shop and spent my days covered in blue ink.
Who knows, the job I have now may lead me to my future. Somehow I managed to work my way up from receptionist, to assistant office manager to marketing coordinator. I have no idea how that happened, but I blame my creative flare. I may not have it in me to write the next great American novel, but if I can be creative enough to figure out how to boost copier sales, well then, I must be working some sort of magic. So maybe there is a future for me in marketing..Or the circus, whatever..As long as they don't ask me to be a clown.
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